Me, Myself and I

I understand. My sadness is small. I am still the product of privilege. There hasn’t been a death or a natural disaster. There hasn’t been a divorce or a cancer diagnosis or a home-turf war. I know that, in the grand scheme of the world and its many hardships and cruelties, my sadness is small. But it is also three-dimensional. It has depth and width and length; it has angles that expand to fill every room I drag it into. It feels like my hope went cliff jumping, miscalculated the distance, and broke every bone. It feels like the bottom of the paper bag of my self as I knew it has ripped open and the fruit that has fallen to the sidewalk is too bruised to salvage. And then I am made more miserable by the indisputable fact that this happens to everyone, and it’s not a big deal, and why can’t I be more resilient, have some perspective, quit sulking, and just join OkCupid already? There ain’t no party like a pity party, ‘cause a pity party don’t stop. No, really. It won’t stop. How do I make it stop?

However,

The more time I spend thinking late at night before the melatonin kicks in…the more I am convinced that we should all take time to be in a relationship with ourselves. At this point in my life, it’s challenging enough trying to figure out my own wants and needs without juggling the wants and needs of another.This is the one chance in your life that you get to completely decide what direction you want your life to travel in. Do you want to explore Germany and learn how to make sauerkraut? Do you want to dedicate your extra time and energy to volunteering and impact the lives of others? Do you want to dedicate yourself to your professional life and get the experience you need to take yourself to the next level?

That’s up to you to decide and the best part is…it’s only your decision. This is the time in your life when you are supposed to be selfish. Embrace the selfishness. Savor every moment spent trying to figure out who you are and what you want. Take chances. Take lots of them. Spend time with people that you normally wouldn’t spend time with. Discover new hobbies. And most of all do whatever it is that makes you happy and don’t regret a second of it.